Five for Friday

1.  Whelp, folks, it's time to start talking Africa.  Guess who has 2 thumbs and leaves 3 months from today?  Yep.  THIS GIRL!  AND my whole fam.  Can you even believe it?  Can you believe I'm really going back to Uganda....again??  Gosh.  Fifteen months ago I thought I literally might die from the weight of grieving over Africa, and now here I am co-leading a team!  Really, truly, y'all - God is ALWAYS working.  Sometimes it is SO. HARD. to see and so hard to trust Him through the dark, but we just have to.  "Lord, where else can we go?" (John 6:68) Totally talkin' to myself here.

2. Jacob is (finally!) getting to play football this year!  Poor guy, he's wanted to play tackle football ever since he finished playing flag when he was 6 years old.  Mama wasn't so crazy about the idea, and somehow I conveniently missed the signup deadline (really) every year.  He made DARN SURE I didn't forget this year and, well, here we are.  He's #33 - wide receiver - and he loves it.

Uh, his uniform is wet from getting water poured on his head.  It was hot, but not THAT hot. ;-)

What we do not love is practice 3x per week and games on Sunday afternoons.  For 8 weeks.  But, what're ya gonna do?

3. Kloe's spending the night with a friend tonight and The Mister is out of town.  Would you like to guess what movie Jacob picked for us to watch on our night home together?  A little Diary of a Wimpy Kid?  Bolt?  Sky High?  Noooo.....this:

Oh yes he did.

4.  Why yes, that is my t-shirt Kloe's wearing.  It's just not right.

5.  Have you met this girl?

Bloggy friends, meet Zoey.  Zoey, meet bloggy friends.  Don't let this innocent face fool you.  That was our first mistake.  This girl is a tasmanian devil in disguise.  Oh the barking, and the digging, and the jumping.  We are prime candidates for the Dog Whisperer.  I think he would pay us to let him come help us.  If only I knew where to get his number.

Hope you all have a great, quiet weekend!

Annnd....they're off!

You'd think after 8 years of doing this gig (and even more, if you count preschool), it would have dawned on me before now.  I'm a little slow that way.

Here it is, the big revelation:  School makes me crazy.

All year long last year I fought with my kids almost every (week)day about running late, messing around in the mornings, not getting their stuff done, not doing their chores, homework, messy rooms (ok, this one is ongoing), and on and on and ON.  I thought it was them.  Lazy.  Undisciplined.  Careless.  Couldn't-care-less.  Bad attitudes.

And then I thought it was me.  Overbearing.  Impatient.  Too-high expectations.  Drill sergeant.  All-around bad parent.

After a couple of weeks of being out of school this summer, things started to mellow out a little.  We all started getting along better.  Tempers flared less and less often.  Less arguing (between them and me, not between themselves), less grouching, less frustration.  More harmony.  More laughter.  More relaxed.

Yesterday - on day ONE of school - I woke up and prayed, "God, I don't want to go back to the way things were last year.  Please give me the patience of Your Spirit.  Please fill me with Your love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness....  I want our home to be full of Your PEACE...."

And on day ONE of school, both kids were STARTING their lunches 5 minutes before time to go (yes, they make their own.  Bad mom.).  Kloe was asking me - as she should have been walking out the door - "Do I take these supplies that were in my backpack from last year?  Or only the ones in the sack?"  Didn't we already go through all this?

Jacob picked up his sack of supplies and the handle tore off, nearly dumping notebook paper and spirals and dry erase markers everywhere.  His hair looked like he just crawled out of bed - after he brushed it.  He wore a shirt with bleach stains on it.  Oh yes he did.  On the first day of school.

After school I got a text from Kloe saying she wouldn't be at her usual pickup spot, but instead was by the front doors of the school.  Of course traffic was RIDICULOUS, because every parent in the known world picks up their kid on the first day of school (WHY?).  So I waited and waited and waited in the pickup line (normally I can just drive right through the middle because of where she usually waits), only to get to the front and....no Kloe.

I found a parking place where I could see the front of the school and I started the search.  After a while I found her, standing over to the side, talking to a group of friends, totally not watching for me at all.  Grrr.  So I waited awhile, hoping she would glance up and I could catch her attention, but no.  Finally, I climbed out of the car and began The March to the front of the school.  The poor Assistant Principal happened to be working traffic.  She smiled her big, beautiful smile at me and said, "HI!!  How's the first day of school?"  I practically growled at her.

I'm sure you can guess how the rest of that scenario went.

Happy first day of school.

Today started out even worse.  Even though we got up earlier, everyone was running later.  More procrastinating.  More tempers flaring.  More arguing.  When Kloe and I were ready to walk out the door, I asked Jacob, "Where's your lunch?"  He said, "I didn't make it yet."  What??  He said, "What am I going to do?"  And I barked said, "I don't know.  You're going to have to figure out a plan."

Fortunately for him, The Mister was still at home and had time to wait.  I took Kloe to school while he made his lunch, then came back home and got him.

And somewhere in the middle of all that it dawned on me.

It isn't them.  It isn't me.

It's SCHOOL.

It makes us all crazy.

We don't roll this way.  We're not organized, orderly, stay-in-the-lines kind of people.  We're more the march-to-our-own drummer, take our own sweet time to do it our own way kind of people, and it seems we just don't fit in the standardized school mold.

And yet we have no choice but to keep doing it, year after year after year.

What is it they say about the definition of insanity?  Yeah.  This.

And so in the midst of all the craziness, in the midst of the chaos and frustration and not knowing how to make it be any different, this mama rushed everyone out the door on the first day of school to do what we always do - take pictures before her little loves rush headlong back into another year of crazy.  Pictures that hopefully we'll look back on and remember all of the good - and not so much of the insanity.

And tomorrow morning we'll get up and do it all again (minus the pictures).

Kloe - 8th grade

Jacob - 5th grade

A moment of peace. :)

TMI - Honesty in all its ugliness - the not-conclusion.

I’ve been pondering how to wrap up this little mini-series I started a couple of weeks ago. I’m starting to realize that “conclusion coming soon” was a lie. Because the conclusion isn’t here yet, and I’m not really sure when it’s coming. 

I’ve realized that just realizing where you’ve been doesn’t get you out of where you’ve been. I think realizing it is half the battle. But then there’s that other half….  And I’m not sure how to get out of where I’ve been. 

You know that story in John chapter 5 about the man Jesus encountered at the Pool of Bethesda? 

“Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda, and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, ‘Do you want to get well?’” John 5:1-6 

Why do you think Jesus asked him if he wanted to get well? Doesn’t that seem like a silly question? We think, “Of course he wanted to get well!” But you know what? It’s not a silly question. Some people don’t want to get well. Sometimes it’s so much easier just to stay where we are – even if it’s hard and painful. Sometimes familiar pain is easier than change. 

Well, I want to get well. 

I’m not sure exactly what happened last summer. I think something in my heart just snapped from the overwhelming-ness of coming back from Africa a second time, and when I just couldn’t take it anymore, Jesus offered me a reprieve from the weight of it all. Except I took that reprieve as being enough and decided I could just live there. Except I don’t want to anymore. 

So now here I am. Not sure where I’m going, but knowing where I’ve been living the past year, and knowing I don’t want to stay there. I want to be well. Does anyone remember those old cassette tape players – the kind that when you pressed the “pause” button, it would stay down? And then when you pressed the button again, it would pop back up and the tape would continue playing. It’s kind of like I pushed the pause button on my life, and it’s been stuck in the “down” position for a year, and now I’m ready to press the button again for it to pop back up and life to continue. I know I won’t be picking up right where I left off like a cassette tape would, but I’m ready to pick up and move on, nonetheless. I’ll let you know how it goes. 

Yes, Jesus, I want to get well.

TMI: Honesty in all its ugliness - part 2.

Once I was finally able to come up for air, I think my thoughts were something along the lines of, "Whew! Man, that was a rough season! Thank You, Jesus, for rescuing me out of that. Glad that’s over." But my eyes were still full of sand, and my clothes were still wet and ragged, and I was so relieved at not drowning, that I didn't even realize I was still a mess. I just continued stumbling around in the dark for....oh, I don't know....the last year.

Because you say, “I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing,” and you do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked. Rev. 3:17

Added on top of all the emotional mess I was in, watching so many of my friends and former teammates move on into lives of service and purpose and passion – adopting, raising money to support ministries, traveling on and leading mission trips – while I was still struggling to catch my breath, well, it left me a little….ok, jealous.

And jealousy is an enemy to your soul. It hold its hands over the eyes of your heart and leaves you walking along in darkness when you don't even know it.  It was blindness on top of blindness.

Then sometime this past spring, I began to notice a few things. Things like....we hadn't taken the kids on kid dates in forever and I hadn't even realized it. Like, we hadn't done family nights in months and I didn't even have the energy to care. Like, I had lost contact with many of my friends except for an occasional text every couple of months or so.

Slowly, slowly I began to realize I’d been living life in a daze.  At first I wasn’t sure what had happened or why.  What was it that had caused me to be sleepwalking through my life?  I actually don't think it was until I started working on this post that I finally started to see what had happened.  

The nearest I can figure is that I never let Jesus completely heal my heart from the wreckage that happened last summer when I left Uganda.

A couple of weeks ago, I read this on Shaun Groves’ blog.  Shaun is the leader – director? developer? – of Compassion Bloggers. Two to three times a year, he leads a group of bloggers on trips with Compassion International to raise awareness about what Compassion does.

"On the last night of every Compassion Bloggers trip we sit around a table together and talk about how to go back home. Because re-entry is a peculiar and scary thing. We talk about the myriad responses we may have when we get there. There’s no telling what’s going to happen when a person goes from slum to Super Target.

Some people are numb, unable to feel anything.
Some are battered by guilt and embarrassment over how easy their life is.
Some feel inexplicably sad, over nothing…or everything.
Some lose their drive and ambition entirely and quit blogging.
Some get angry.

And, I tell the bloggers, some people experience all of this in one afternoon!
No matter what you feel, I tell them, it’s normal. You’re not the only one."

Ahh….finally, there it was! THIS is what had been wrong with me!  Not only had I experienced pretty much "all of this in one afternoon", I had continued to experience all of it for an ENTIRE YEAR.  And I didn't know what to do with all of it.  I didn't know how to process it.  So instead of working through it with Jesus the way I should have, sub-consciously I just pulled myself into a cocoon, and I hid as best I could.

I distinctly remember, when the waves of sadness would start to engulf me, I would say to myself, "It's ok.  It's ok.  I can do this." - meaning "It's ok that I feel this way.  It's normal, and I'll be fine."  Umm, yes, it's ok to feel that way.  It's not ok to stay that way.  And the only way I could be fine was to let Jesus heal me.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not LET yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Gal. 5:1

When Jesus reached down and rescued me from that oppressive weight that I thought was going to suffocate me, I didn’t realize that I needed to continue pressing hard into Him in order to not LET myself continue to be burdened by the YOKE OF SLAVERY that still had its clutches around me.

Did you know you can LET yourself be burdened by a yoke of slavery?  Caught in a stronghold?  Even after Jesus died to set you free?  Yep.  Jesus has provided us the victory, but just like salvation, it's up to us to choose it.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.  {YOU} Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil." Eph. 6:10-11

Sheesh, y'all.  I know this stuff.  I've done Beth's Moore's Breaking Free.  I've done Believing God.  Twice.  I've filled one index card spiral after another after another with scripture.  I've quoted it and prayed it and memorized it.  I KNOW how to stand firm against the yoke of slavery, against strongholds, against the schemes of the devil.  I KNOW how to put on the full armor of God....His truth, His righteousness, the shield of faith, and the sword of the Spirit (His WORD).  

But man, Satan is so devious.  I totally expected the struggle of coming back from Africa.  I expected the sadness, the guilt, the anger and frustration.  And because I expected it, I accepted it.  I just laid right down and LET that yoke wrap itself right around my heart and mind.

*sigh*

....conclusion coming soon

TMI: Honesty in all its ugliness - part 1.

I didn't actually mean to stop blogging. Not really.

I kept meaning to get back to it, and every couple of weeks or so I'd think, "Man, I really need to catch up on my blog." But then somehow I just never did.

So much life has happened during the past year that I never got around to documenting (or only did so minimally). Our sweet Kloe turned 12. Her last year as a pre-teen. And I was mentally absent for much of it (more about that later).

I resigned from PTA – a big change for me after 5½ years (I’ve actually accepted a new position for this coming school year, though). We got a new (used) minivan. I miss the Expedition terribly, but you know, we have to eat. :)

Our sweet Annie died last August, and we brought home a new puppy in January. Also in January, I was asked to speak during a local Christian schools’ chapel time about my mission trips. Wow, that was an amazing experience!

February was a big month. Jacob turned 10. Double digits. Did I even post a blog about that? I don’t think so. I started having some issues with my hip that still aren’t resolved. I got my braces off (yay!), had a minor procedure done on my foot that left me hobbling around in a “shoe” (you know the kind) for two weeks, and we had TWO school snow days in a row! I also went to Nashville for leadership training with Visiting Orphans, the organization I have traveled to Africa with the past two summers.

Other things I missed? Kloe’s first overnight band trip (I actually went on the trip as a chaperone, but you know….mentally absent), her first band UIL contest, her first major ballet production, Passover, my mom’s birthday, Jacob’s school field trip….and the list goes on.

It's been such a strange season for me this past year. If anybody's still hanging around here who was with me back when I came home from Uganda last summer, you may remember what a hard time I had transitioning back into "normal" life. I really thought I was gonna go under there for a while. And then one day, through God's abundant mercy and kindness, He pulled me up out of the pit and set my feet back on some semi-solid ground. After weeks of feeling like I was suffocating to death, at last I could finally breathe again.

The Nile River

Funny thing, though. I came up out of the pit....but I never really came out of the fog. I felt such relief at finally being able to just get through my day without breaking down in tears....at being able to take a breath without feeling like there was an elephant sitting on my chest - on my heart - that I didn't realize I was still wandering around in the dark.

It was kind of like Jesus, in all of His great mercy, reached down into the raging waters that were threatening to drown me, grabbed my hand, and pulled me up onto a sand bar. As I lay there gasping for air, so grateful that I wasn't having to struggle for every breath, so thankful for some solid ground under my hands and knees, I never bothered to look around me and realize that I was still standing in the middle of the ocean, surrounded on every side by waves and emptiness.

I was still LOST, but I didn't know it. So I didn't bother trying to get found.

...to be continued

Hello Thursday

Well, hello, Thursday. My, you snuck up on me quick this week. (I don’t really think “snuck” is a word, but my spell check says it’s ok, so I’m going with it.)

**Edit: this started out as sort of a “random Thursday” post, but kind of turned into a mostly-about-Ebenezer post. Sorry. I can’t seem to help myself. :)

So much going on around here lately – seems we are busy, busy, busy all the time, but at the same time it seems like really nothing is going on. When it’s the same-o, same-o, I guess it seems like nothing, even if it’s a lot.

Let’s see.

So….Uganda. LOTS going on with that already. Update in the next post (whenever that may be).

Kloe is preparing for her first major ballet production. She is so excited she could pop. She’s been taking ballet for just over a year, and she auditioned for a part in the spring production and got it! We are SO proud of her. It’s a small, group part, but just to be able to say she’s in the production is so awesome!

Jacob? Is, well, Jacob. :) He’s not playing any sports right now, and I’m SO thankful. Practices and games every week just about wear me out. He’s doing Boy Scouts (loves), preparing for Battle of the Books at school, and is learning to do his own laundry. Glory. And hallelujah.

The Mister is B.U.S.Y. with a capital “B” this time of year. He sells drip irrigation systems, so they are trying to squeeze in every last sale and minute of work they can before the farmers plant. We typically see him between 9 (or 10) p.m. and 7 (or 6) a.m. I am oh-so-ready for planting season to get here!

My newest bloggy loves: We Are THAT Family and Gloriously Ruined. If you aren’t reading them, you should. Wynne from Gloriously Ruined is a photographer and is good friends with my mission trip leader, Kari Gibson. She was part of the Man Up and Go team and is pretty much all-around awesome. I just recently found out that she only lives a couple of hours away from me! We are totally planning a get-together soon. ;-)

I’m still making letters for Ebenezer, and even yesterday when I walked into Jacob’s school, the workroom assistant stopped me and ordered 3 more.  Oh Lord. Whew. Making those letters is SO involved and SO time-consuming and SO frustrating to me….and yet, the orders just keep coming. I really don’t even make that much profit from them to donate to Ebenezer, and yet I can’t seem to get away from them. Thank you, Jesus, for Your purpose.

Speaking of Ebenezer, I have to tell you THE. COOLEST. STORY. EVER. IN. THE. HISTORY. OF. THE. WORLD. Ever.

About six-ish weeks ago, the director of Hope Grafted In (HGI) (which is the U.S. non-profit that handles donations for Ebenezer) contacted me and asked if I would host an online 31 Gifts party (she’s a consultant) as a fundraiser for Ebenezer. I said, “Uh, sure, but I typically don’t do very well with parties.”

I thought maybe if I got a friend to team up with me we would do better. So my friend A graciously jumped on board, and we had an online party for 3 weeks. And we got 3 orders. Three. We raised all of $50 for Ebenezer. Which is good, don’t get me wrong, but I was a little discouraged to say the least.

Well. Right after we found out the total from the party – like that same day – Ebenezer posted on their FB page that the heavy rains of the Ugandan rainy season had caused their school/church structure to collapse. And by “structure”, I mean it was a metal roof held up by some wooden poles. Not even “poles” as you would picture them, but just trimmed down tree-poles. That structure is where they hold classes for their school, which is a source of income to the ministry. George posted that they needed 90,500 shillings to fix the structure. OH. MY. GOSH. Do you know how much 90,500 shillings is? Approximately $34.

I emailed HGI right away and said, “OH. MY. GOSH.” (I like emailing in all caps when I’m excited.) “Am I reading this right? It’s going to cost less than $40 to fix the structure???” They emailed back and said, “Yes, I think so! God knew what He was doing – looks like your 31 party will cover the whole thing!”

I was beside myself. SOOO cool that my “disappointing” $50 donation was now going to completely pay to fix their school room/church structure!

Ohhhh, but wait, it gets better.

Almost as soon as I got that email from HGI – in fact, I think while I was reading it – George posted an update on FB that said, “Sorry, the repairs are not 90,500 shillings, they’re 900,500 shillings.”

Oh, the difference a zero can make! What we thought was going to take $34 to fix was actually going to take $335. HGI emailed me again and said, “Your $50 will still help them get there.”

*sigh*

Now wait. Remember I’m still making letters for them? Earlier that day – before all the drama – I had just so happened to “randomly” check the balance in the separate checking account I use for that money. There was $282.00 in the account.

Check this.

$335.00 (to fix the structure)
-  50.00 (31 Gifts fundraiser)
$285.00

$285!!!!
Y’ALL!!!
(Yes. Yes, I DO need all those exclamation points!!!!)

GOD. IS. SO. COOL!!!!

Never have I ever been SO. ECSTATIC. about God's awesomeness (ok, maybe not "never")!!  And that, my friends, makes any day a good day.  Happy Thursday (night)!

Random Photo Friday

So, I've discovered that my "Random Photo Fridays" have been hijacked and are now being cleverly disguised as "Insta-Friday" by some in other circles. Hmpf.  Well, since I'm not part of the circle that is Instagram, we shall continue with the Random Photo title over here in these parts.

And, in protest of Insta-Friday (I jest), today I'm doing Random Photo Tuesday instead.  Just because.

Ohhh, doesn't this look just awful?  ;-)  Several months ago, I started having this feeling like something was stuck to the bottom of my heel.  I would check, and there would be nothing there, and I'd forget about it.  Then the next day or so, I'd feel it again, and there'd be nothing there.  Well, after a couple of weeks, the "something" started to grow.  And it grew and grew until it felt like I was walking around with a marble inside my heel.  Walking on a marble = not fun.
 


So I went to the podiatrist and....it was a wart!  Now mind you, there was no evidence on the outside - just that marble-like feeling on the inside.  But anyway, of the 3 options he gave me for treatment, somehow strapping an acid pack to my foot seemed like it would be the most fun.  Yes.  So they stuck a little pad to my heel, packed it full of acid, wrapped it up in about 3 bandages, told me not to get it wet for 6 days, and to take Advil if I needed to.

Oh. My. Word.  It started out not-so-bad.  But by about day 3 I could hardly walk on the thing.  Three advil at a time wasn't touching it.  Um, ACID on your foot?  Maybe not such a good idea.  I can't get my foot into a shoe, so I had to borrow a velcro-strap sandal from my mom.  I've been hobbling around like a little old lady, trying to set a good example for my kids about not complaining. Ha!  It's finally starting to get a little better, and thank the Lord, I go back to the doctor tomorrow.  Pray that the acid has done its magic and I get go back to walking semi-normal!

Now after all that foot talk, let's discuss dinner, shall we?

Cereal night. I heart cereal night. Why yes, that is a box of Cap'n Crunch you see there. Why yes, the whole box was consumed in one sitting (not by me alone). Don't judge. Please also notice the boxes of Cheerios, Cascadian Farms, Corn Flakes, and Kashi. Thank you.

All those letters that gave me and my family such stress back before Christmas? I thought it'd be fun to make some more. :)

And by the way, now that I'm a spray painting expert (oh, please hear the sarcasm in my voice) here's my humble opinion about spray paint - cuz baby, I've used a. lot. of it in the past four months: Valspar. With primer inside. Krylon? No. Say it with me: Valllll-Sparrrr.  The end.



Happy happy happy-ness that came in my mailbox today ~

This?  This would be what happens when you put a bag of frozen strawberries in your refrigerator to thaw, and said bag has a hole in it that you don't notice until 3 days a while later and all the juice leaks out all over your refrigerator and runs down the back (of course it has to be the back) of the shelf to all the happy shelves below.  And then said juice turns into pretty red cement.

And with that, I bid you a happy Wednesday!

Welcome December. I'm not happy about you.

I'm in total denial that it's December.  And I am in no mood at all for Christmas.  No. Mood. At. All.  Not sure why.  I think one reason may be that we've decided to cut waaay back on our Christmas spending this year.  Gifts is my "giving" love language - I spell LOVE "g-i-f-t" - and so to me, less presents = no fun.  But reading books like Jen Hatmaker's Interrupted and Will Davis's Enough have totally messed me up and ruined me forever for the kind of over-the-top gift buying I used to do. Sigh.

Of course, it also doesn't help that the weather around here has been sunny and in the high 70's for the past several weeks.  We've done zero decorating, very little shopping, and I can't even muster up my usual excitement for doing our Jesse Tree or reading Jotham's Journey.  Even going to my friend Katie's annual cookie swap didn't do the trick.  Bah humbug.

But, regardless of whether I'm in the Christmas spirit or not, there are a few things I'm determined to accomplish this month.  First of all, in the spirit of having more than enough of everything we could ever need (ala Will Davis), we are having the Great Family Cleanout of 2012.  Every day in the month of December (doubling up after any days we miss), each person in our family will be choosing 1-3 items to give away or throw away.  Clothes, toys, books, CDs, jewelry, kitchen wares, movies, home decor....everything is fair game. 

At this moment in time, Jacob literally has a closet full of clothes, a dresser full of clothes, and a dirty clothes hamper full of clothes.  That's just ridiculous.  More than enough.  I have a drawer full of (albeit fake) jewelry that I hardly ever wear.  Ridiculous.  Shoes, I must admit, are not my weakness, so I'll probably be keeping what I have.  Same with purses (in fact, I'm not sure I even HAVE any purses other than the one I'm carrying right now).  But I'm quite certain there is a skirt or two or five that someone else should be enjoying.  And Kloe?  Don't even get me started.

Another thing I committed to doing this month is our Candlelight Christmas.  I love this tradition so much, and we only get to do it every other year, on the years when we're home for Christmas.  Maybe we should do it early this year - maybe that would get me more in the Christmas spirit?

Well, here's one thing I'm happy about December for - Downton Abbey reruns!  Even though we've watched seasons 1 and 2 about three times each now, knowing that this rerun of season 2 is leading up to the debut of season 3 just makes me all kinds of happy.  We've waited a whole year for this!  Are you a Downton groupie?

Here's to a more joyful December!

Twelve.

How does this happen? I wonder every year. One minute you’re holding this teeny tiny, squirming little newborn who you just can’t believe is actually Y.O.U.R.S. ….and then you blink and take a few (thousand) deep breaths through the tween years, and suddenly a dozen years have passed. Wait, how did I totally miss the tween years? I’ve been soundly informed that our little miss is no longer a tween - she’s a preteen.

TWELVE YEARS ago we brought this beautiful little bundle home from the hospital.

Ohhhh, she was the sweetest little thing. And ohhhhh, how I loved taking pictures of her! We have THREE large, FULL, heavy albums of her....in the first year.

Poor sweet Jacob. He looks at all those pictures and asks over and over, “Is this me?” No, that’s Kloe. “Is this one me?” No, that’s Kloe too. “Where are my pictures?” Um, (hangs head) they’re in a box in my room. Sad mama.

Anyway, amidst the hubbub of back-to-school and back-to-soccer and back-to-ballet, Kloe's graduation out of tweenhood into preteenhood - which happened a month ago - somehow got brushed to the side.  It's time to rectify that.

I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear that Kloe wanted to celebrate turning 12 by having a SLEEPOVER.  Yep, I did it again.  And I admit, it was fun!  Turns out turning 12 doesn't have to involve a birthday party marked by gossip, borderline-appropriate movies, and hurt-feelings girl-drama. We had seven friends over for a rousing good time of pizza making, cookie-cake eating, and many lively rounds of Telephone and Apples to Apples.

Oh, and then?  We finally joined the ranks of the NICE parents (because we weren't just uncool before - we were mean).....

And much gleeful screaming ensued.

Welcome to the world of a preteen.

The ABC meme.

Ok, so I'm totally cheating with this one. I started another version of an ABC meme like a year and a half ago, but I never even got off the ground with it. That meme required an entire blog post for each letter of the alphabet! And so you see why I never did it. Maybe someday.  My bloggy friend Anna did it, and it was so fun to read. But yeah, I'm lazy like that.

So when I saw this one on Beth Moore's blog this week, it seemed much more up my alley.

I know, memes are so last year, but I've always been way behind the times anyway, so it's nothing new for me to be fashionably late to the trend-party.

Here we go!

A. Age: Really? We’re going to start with this one? Fine. 41. Happy?

B. Bed size: Queen. And most of the time that's too small.

C. Chore that you hate: I.RON.ING. ugh.

D. Dogs: Sadness. We lost our precious Annie one week ago yesterday. Our hearts are still lost without her. At night I still think, “I need to go feed Annie.” When it rained a couple of days ago I thought, “Oh, I need to let Annie in!” Much sadness.

E. Essential start to your day: Coffee. I admit it. With 3 of those little creamer cups (yes, three) and a stevia packet.  Come to think of it, maybe it's the creamer that's an essential start to my day.

F. Favorite color: Green

G. Gold or Silver: Are we talking jewelry or investments? Or the stars I earned for good behavior today? (haha – if that were the case, I would have been moved to BLACK early this morning.) Jewelry - I prefer silver, although I'm old so my wedding ring is gold. Investments........(crickets).

H. Height: 5' 7" (and a half)

I. Instruments you play: Sadly, none. I took piano lessons when I was in elementary school - and for a short stint when I first got married - but I can barely play a note today. I also played the trombone (not the clarinet, as one might think) from 7th grade through college (have I mentioned I LOVED marching band? oh, I have?), and then for a few years afterward in the church orchestra. Again, can't play a lick now. Sad times.

J. Job title: Nowadays, thanks to some major changes in my job in the past year, I'm officially a "financial analyst". Which is laughable, because I am lame at finance. Any business major will tell you there's a huge difference between finance and accounting, and I'm an accountant through and through. I hated my finance classes in college. My degree is accounting. My certification is accounting. Finance? Blech.

K. Kids: Not sure if this is asking about MY kids specifically, or for my opinion on kids - which could vary widely based on the day. And time of day. Just kidding. I have two - girl, 12, and boy, 9. And love them both fiercely. Most days. :) And also a recently heart-adopted, handsome 15-year-old boy who lives on the other side of the globe.

L. Live: Yes, I do. (sheesh, I seem to be having a fit of sarcasm today) Ok, ok, I live in Texas and am so happy to be here. I moved around a ton when I was growing up, and loved Texas the most of all the places we lived. Couldn’t wait to get back here when I graduated from high school.

M. Mother’s name: Glenda. She was the GOOD witch. Grin.

N. Nicknames: None that I know of. Probably Miss Sassy-Pants after this blog post.

O. Overnight hospital stays: Besides when I was born, only when my kids were born, and Jacob’s little two-day stint at the beginning of the year.

P. Pet peeves: Tailgating. And people who say “Nu-cu-lar”.

Q. Quote from a movie: For many, many, many years, my favorite movie in all the world was Pretty Woman. And then at some point I decided maybe that wasn’t the best favorite movie for a good Christian girl. But none the less, I love me some good Pretty Woman quotes. “There’s a band!” My husband and I say this all the time. :) “It’s broken. Mine is broken!” “Do you have a dream? What’s your dream?” And our favorite of all time, “Slippery little suckers, aren’t they?” Lamest quote from the whole movie, which also happens to be the closing line, “She rescues him right back.” Lame. I do avoid the Cinderella reference at all costs.

R. Right or left handed: I tried SO HARD to be left-handed when I was in elementary school (or was it junior high?). I practiced and practiced and practiced. I just couldn’t do it. Funny thing is, Kloe has been doing the same thing recently. We’ll see if she makes it any further than I did. :)

S. Siblings: How much time do you have? In the most basic sense, I’m an only child. My parents divorced when I was very young, and my mom never had any other children. My dad did remarry, and through him I have two half-sisters, one half-brother, and a step-brother. What with all those “partial” siblings, none of them do I actually think of when I think of siblings. On the other hand, my mom’s sister (my aunt) was also divorced and had three sons. My mom and my aunt and all us kids lived together much of the time I was growing up. And so, if you ever hear me talk about my “brothers” here on the blog - by blood they are actually my cousins, but by heart (and by sibling rivalry standards) they are my brothers. :)

T. Time it takes you to get ready: On my own: exactly an hour. With kids: 1 ½ to 2 hours minimum. Even when they’re 9 and 12.

U. Ultimate Vacation: Nantucket.  Ahhhh, lovely Nantucket.

V. Vegetable you hate: Boiled okra. Gross.

W. What makes you run late: Trying to do too much within the time I have available.

X. X-Rays you’ve had: Other than lots and lots on my teeth for the whole braces gig, I had a CT scan (sort of like an x-ray, yes?) on my head about 8-ish years ago when I had some weird, unexplainable, severe head pain. Oh, and remember when I told you I totally lied to get out of PE in junior high? Yeah, well that little episode cost my momma a pretty penny, I’m sure, when I had to get my hip x-rayed. Long story.

Y. Yummy food that you make: Listen, we all know I’m not a cook. That being said, I make a mean chocolate chip cookie pie. And I’m pretty good at the instant, chemical-ridden version of Swedish meatballs.

Z. Zoo animal: Huh? As in, name one? Or which is my favorite? Let’s go with favorite, and mine is totally the elephants. Riding an elephant was on my bucket list, and I got to do that several years ago…..nope, not in Africa…..at the county fair. :)

Now, you remember how this meme stuff works, right? If you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged. I want to hear from all of you! I know you’re out there – I can see you and track you down on my Site Meter. Bwahahaha. So play along! Pretty please?

Our sweet, beautiful Annie Marie went to live with Jesus during the night last night.

Please don't tell me any different.

God mercifully and faithfully answered the three prayers I had been praying for many months: that she wouldn't suffer, we wouldn't have to have her put down, and Jacob wouldn't be the one to find her. I sat by her side on the laundry room floor for hours, until she just didn't have the strength to take one more breath.

Please pray for our family today and in the coming days. Our hearts are desperately broken, and we will miss her so terribly. :(

Lego love.

My dad got Jacob the Lego Super Bucket (or something like that) for his birthday.  I found this cute little neighborhood when I woke up this morning. I love that you can apparently get to the pizza shop by plane. :)

Five for Friday

I love those random, rambly kind of posts that really don't have any specific topic, but just sorta feel like you're sitting down with a friend over lunch and talking about your day. Even if it's a friend you've never met and have only stalked over the internet.

I'm not great at writing like that, but maybe I'll get better at it someday. Or...if you don't like those kinds of posts, I guess you'd think that was getting worse. :)

Until then, here's my own version of random ramblyness, otherwise known as Five for Friday.

1. The weekend after Jacob came home from the hospital, all three of the rest of us came down with the crud.  The Mister got over his pretty quickly, but Kloe and I had the same awful symptoms Jacob had - nasty cough and off-and-on fever.  I missed two days of work and Kloe missed 3 1/2 days of school.  I actually went to the doctor first, because I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.  Any guesses?  Pneumonia.  Ugh.
   
   You'd think I'd learn, but noooo.  Kloe's fever actually broke for a couple of days, and because of that I ended up not taking her to the doctor for A WEEK.  When we finally went, she was diagnosed with bronchitis.  I would be willing to bet, though (since I'm so good at the doctoring thing - sheesh) that since Jacob had pneumonia, and I had pneumonia, she probably had pneumonia too.
   
   While I was too sick to get off the couch, Jacob offered to make me dinner.  He made this menu for me to order from (because he got to order off a menu in the hospital).
   
   

   

   (Bagle, toast, milk, OJ, AJ (apple juice), toast w/sinimin-shuger)

   
   I placed my order (adding the option of cream cheese), and he brought my dinner on a tray. Cute. :)
   
   
   
   
   
2. Definitely the husband's job: Catching mice. Killing bugs. Checking out noises. And this....
   
   
   
   
   
3. Have any of you ever done this? I've tried so many times and it never works. The seed always just molds. Do you know the trick?
   
   
   
   
   
4. Stir fry. Mmmm.
   
   
   
   
   If you use the pre-cooked grilled chicken though, be sure you don't get this kind.
   
   
   
   
   Unless, you know, you like to go cross-cultural with your stir fry.
   
   
   
5. 
   
   

Happy Friday, friends!

Mommy guilt?

Pretty much every minute.
Of every hour.
Of every day.

Rushing out the door in the morning.  "You have GOT to hurry up! Do you know you're about to be tardy?"

Stern and uncaring when homework is forgotten.  "I'm sorry - that's your responsibility."

Thinking only of myself.  "Mom, can I have a friend over?" ... "No, not this weekend."

Late getting up in the morning.  Late getting them to school.  Late picking them up.  Late getting dinner on the table.  And then late to bed.

Again.

Which makes us late getting up in the morning.  Which makes us late for school....

Breakfast bar on the way out the door.

Bickering on the way home.

"Mom, can I have a snack?" 
"Oh, sorry, I forgot.  Well....now it's time for dinner."

Fast food again.

Haven't seen a vegetable on their plates since before the new year.

A child in the hospital, quite possibly because I didn't take him to the doctor FOR A WEEK.

And now the other, miserable in her bed because I haven't taken her to the doctor....and she's been sick FOR A WEEK.  My mom serving as babysitter, because I used my PTO for my own self when I was sick this week.

House a wreck.

Laundry piled.

Dishes dirty.

Dog unfed.

Bills unpaid.

Not paying close enough attention to the goings-on of middle school.  "A friend at school told you WHAT?!?"  Oh Lord, I'm not prepared to go there.

Impatient.  Unloving.  Unkind.  Harsh words.

Day 13 of 2012.  Two quiet times this month.  And that's more than last month.

Hide God's Word in their hearts?  Not since 2010.

No devotions.
No memory verses.
No kid dates.
No family nights.
No family outings.
Few family dinners.

And oh my goodness.....

I order school pictures and sports pictures every year.  They're stuck in a box. Haven't given them to anyone since Jacob was in preschool.

Christmas thank-yous?  May or may not ever get written.

School spelling bee?  Had to withdraw because we never practiced.

"Mom, I had to go down a level in math because I made a bad grade on the STAAR practice test." We never did the flash cards.

"Mom, I had to eat a cheese sandwich today because I have negative $11 in my lunch account."  I forgot to send money.  Again.

"Mom, will you play Legos with me?"  I can't right now.
"Mom, wanna watch this show with us?"  I've got to get dinner ready.
"Mom, can we go get ice cream?"  Not tonight.
"Mom, my tummy hurts."  You'll be fine.

"Mom....will you NOTICE ME?"

"Did you call about ballet classes yet?" No.
"Did you fill out that form I gave you last week?" Not yet.
"Did you fix my earring?"  No.
"Did you wash my uniform?" Umm...

And the look of disappointment that says, "I knew you wouldn't."

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And then a friend posted this article on Facebook. 

And it made me cry.

But when I read this?  "But God gives just as much grace when I stand before my kids as He does when I kneel at the foot of the cross."

That made me cry the ugly cry.

Six for Saturday

1. I know, Halloween was SO last month, but since when did that ever stop me? :)

Who's the rootin-est, tootin-est cowgirl in the wild, wild west? Could it be....























Why, no! It's Miss Kloe, wearing Jacob's too-small chaps and vest and Daddy's hat, but she was happy and so I was too. :) And Jacob was beyond-thrilled to be Obi-Wan Kenobi. I told someone that he was a storm trooper....boy, do I stand corrected! Can you see his padawan braid? (it was a braided leather bracelet I brought him from Uganda) So cute. :)



































We get to dress up twice most years since we go to the fall festivals at Jacob's school and at church. And most years, the kids go as something different for each one! For the school festival, Kloe decided not to dress up this year (too big now that's she's in middle school, I suppose), but Jacob finally got to wear his fighter-pilot costume. We actually bought it at a resale shop 2 years ago even though it was way too big, just because he loves to play dress up so much. He's had a blast with it all this time, and I'm sad that it actually fits now, because that means he won't be able to wear it much longer. This is his fighter-pilot face. Doesn't he look so serious (and handsome)? :)

2. Why, oh why, is this the scene on Kloe's bedroom floor every. single. morning? sigh. And why exactly does it matter so much? I don't know, but for some reason it does.























3. I was excited to see Dum-Dums in the half price basket at Wal*Mart the day after Halloween because the kids in Uganda LOVE them! They were marked $2.40-something per bag, so I picked up 2 for my trip next summer. When I got to the register, they rang up at 99 cents each! I was so bummed I hadn't picked up more.

4. Pumpkin Spice lattes are back! Woohoo! I'm usually not a fan of pumpkin flavor (other than pie), but I had a coupon for a free one of these last year so I tried one and loved it. After that I picked up some pumpkin-flavored coffee creamer at the store, but it was nasty. In fact, I only used it once and ended up throwing the bottle away. But YAY for pumpkin spice at Starbucks! Get 'em while they last!

5.Just received this book in the mail from PaperBackSwap, and I am LOVING it. I'm only on chapter one, but I've already got it all highlighted-up.

I love this quote from the book. It's referring to Deuteronomy 24:19, which says, "When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow, so that the LORD your God may bless you in all the work of your hands.

Tom Davis says, "The Hebrew word for blessing is baruch. It implies being hunted down and pursued by the favor of the Lord.....God promises that if we take care of the needs of the fatherless, WHATEVER we put our hand to will be blessed."(emphasis added)

Incredible.

6. After this incident a little over a year and a half ago, we had a monitored alarm system installed at our house. A couple of weeks ago, the kids and I had JUST left the house when my phone rang. It was a number I didn't recognize, so I didn't answer it. Not 10 seconds later The Mister called me in a bit of a panic. Turns out that call I had ignored was the alarm company. Seems our alarm had been activated through a breach in the back door, and the police were en route to our house. Oh my déjà vu.

Immediately I knew what had happened. Jacob had been outside in the backyard playing, and we were leaving the house in a hurry to get somewhere. I called him in and we headed straight out the door through the garage. It was a pretty windy day (what? in West Texas?), and he didn't get the back door shut good. The wind blew it open, and wah-la - the alarm system works!

We were only a couple of blocks from the house when The Mister called me, and by the time we got back home there were already TWO police cars at our house! Wow! The officer who talked to me seemed to be none-too-happy about being called out on a false alarm, but HELLO, would you rather it had been the real thing?

Not exactly the way I'd like to have our system tested, but I'm happy to know it works the way it's supposed to!

Hello Bloggy World!

I'm so glad to be back! Man, I can't believe it's been almost a MONTH since I posted!

What's that?

What do you mean you didn't realize I'd been gone? Wow, you must be even busier than I am! ;)

Well, here's the low down. A while back (apparently about a month ago), my laptop had a nervous breakdown and freaked out with the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH...not once, but THREE times! It finally freaked ME out enough that I took it to the laptop hospital (aka, Best Buy). After a restful stay in laptop ICU, the nice man at Best Buy was able to fix my little laptop friend and send it home.

Sadly, once my little friend came home we discovered that his (her?) main source of fruitfulness and entertainment (i.e., internet service) was also out of business. For THREE. WEEKS. After hemming and hawing and ranting and raving, we finally switched carriers and just got back up and running again last weekend.

WHEW!

And now here we are! (And by the way, we are LOVING our new internet provider. SOO much faster, and...guess what Jen? we can actually watch an entire movie on Netfl*x without it retrieving half a dozen times! LOVE.)

I've missed you guys so much! Actually, I've been secretly stalking all of you, I just haven't been keeping up my end of the conversation flow. A lot has happened in the last month. And, there were a lot of things I had on the tip of my bloggy tongue just before all the fiasco started, so I've got lots of pent-up words to spill. Hopefully I can find some time to get them all out. I wish we could all just grab a cup of coffee and have a conference call to get caught up. Chatting on the phone is so much more time efficient. :)

Since I last talked to you, Kloe has started middle school (that's been an adventure!) and also band, I've received a (semi) update from SixtyFeet, Jacob has played half a season of soccer and joined Cub Scouts, I saw this amazing woman in person, we remembered and honored a tragic day in our nation's history, we pulled up all the tile in our bathroom (and have yet to put down the new), I attended my very first photography class, we babysat an awesome new vehicle for 24 hours (and then took it back because it was out of our price range), and The Mister and I went to see this incredible, amazing, outstanding movie on opening night. (Have you seen it yet? You must. You MUST.)

What I didn't get to tell you about before The Great Computer Crash of 2011 was Kloe's very fun 11th birthday party and our very fun summer vacation road trip. I know you're sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for the update. ;) Actually, it's more for my own future-memory benefit that I want to get all of that posted, but maybe you'll come along for the ride?

Put on the coffee and I'll call you in a few minutes.

Yesterday.....

Ok, ok, I KNOW! I really shouldn't announce when I'm going to make an annoucement, because then something usually happens and I don't. Sorry!

So, without further ado, here's the "big announcement" I fully intended to post YESTERDAY.




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Yesterday, I got these.....


(From my sweet hubby. Aren't they gorgeous? They're even more beautiful in real life.)



.....because I got these.



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And yes, this awful picture pretty much sums up how I was feeling about them right about then. :)

Yes, they hurt, but not too much. Except when I eat.

No, I'm not excited, but I hope to be eventually. :)

The end. :)