I interrupt this blog series....

Oh you guys, I am so SO excited to break up the seriousness of my past couple of posts to bring you this EXCITING, newly released video from Visiting Orphans (VO).  I'm sure you remember that VO is the mission-sending organization I have traveled to Africa with the past two summers, and will be leading a trip with this December. I am so honored to be part of a team of bloggers who have the privilege of presenting this fresh look at VO today.  I just watched the video myself for the first time this morning, and I cried through the whole thing.  Because I know these people.  I know their hearts.  I know their passion is to see the world changed - to BE the change - through bringing the love of Jesus to the nations. 

I know first-hand that VO is committed to seeing lives transformed by empowering and equipping Christ-followers to GO to the nations, BE focused on relationship, and LOVE like Christ by caring for children and communities world-wide.  GO. BE. LOVE.  It's about so much more than just a cool trip to tell your friends about.  It's about being the very hands and feet of Jesus.

I know sometimes it's hard to pause in the middle of your morning blog-surfing to watch a 10-minute video (ok, 11 minutes), but y'all, please please take just a few minutes (ok, 11) to stop and watch this beautiful video.  I so want to share with all of you the amazing organization that has captured my heart, and which God has used and is using to send me to the nations. Do it for me?



You can read more about VO's vision and their mission at these links.

And if your heart has been stirred?  If you feel a tugging inside to GO. BE. LOVE. to the nations?  Leave me a comment right here and I can hook you up!  (especially if that tug should be pulling you toward Uganda this December!)

Do it afraid.

On October 4, 2010 – just a little over 2½ years ago – I clicked “contact me” on a new adoption/missions blog I had been reading, and typed the following:

Hi Kari,

I know missions in general is God's will, but how do you know if it's YOUR time to go? Is it ever NOT God's will for someone to go on a mission trip? Seems to me that surely it would sometimes not be His will???

Ever since I found your blog about the trip to Uganda next summer, I've been drawn to it like a moth to a flame. Seriously. Like, it sucks me in and I just can't get away from it. Does that mean it's God? Could it just be me? Yes, I am oh-so-scared about the thought of traveling to such a foreign country, but even more so, I am scared to death of making a decision on my own accord that is not what God wants from me! HELP!

Wow. I was a little bit freaked out.

Remember this? And this?

Kari’s answer to me, in a nutshell, was “DO IT AFRAID.” And I did. Actually, I did it petrified.

And who in the world ever would have DREAMED that 2½ years after sending that message I would have become good friends with the (once-a-stranger) author of that blog, fallen madly in love with that country and its people, have a spiritual son on the other side of the globe, and be busily planning my 3rd trip to Uganda – and this time, praying about taking my whole family with me!

Only God.

“God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!” Eph 3:20 (The Message)

Y’all. I want you to come with me. For real.

Maybe you’ve dreamed of going on a mission trip, but the huge expense or the thought of having to do fundraising has deterred you? Maybe concerns about who would care for your children, not being able to spare that much time away, or maybe even a little FEAR have kept you from diving in. This is YOUR chance. If you feel God tugging on your heart, don’t ignore Him! My African love-affair started just like this – with me reading a blog post by someone else who had been there and couldn’t contain her passion and excitement about what God had done in her life through missions.

What does that “tugging” feel like? Here’s what I wrote about it in a guest post for Kari’s blog:

During this time (the time I was trying to figure out if I was supposed to go or not) I started reading books like Red Letters by Tom Davis, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and most recently, Radical by David Platt. Let me tell you something, these books messed. me. up. Especially Radical. From the moment I picked up that book I started to feel a churning on the inside that only grew stronger the more I read. A churning that I didn’t understand, couldn’t explain, and didn’t know what to do with, but it kept me awake at night and distracted me during the day. I was restless. Uneasy. Confused. Anxious. And frustrated – because I didn’t know what to do with all the feelings building up on the inside of me.

Excitement. A flutter in your heart or nervousness in your stomach when you read about it. A wanting – a longing – to go, but maybe you brush it off because of all the “what-ifs”.

Y’all, I was a mess during those 3-ish weeks of trying to figure it out. A MESS. A total wreck. I can’t even begin to explain what a basket case I was. And it had way more to do with a fear of missing God’s will than it did with actually going on the trip. See how messed up the lies of the enemy are? I had been praying to go to Africa for so long, that when God finally said yes I didn’t believe that I’d heard Him right.

The top two concerns I hear from people about going on a mission trip are: #1) the money, and #2) being away from their kids for so long.

Can I just tell you this? God will provide. It sounds so trite, but I promise you it is 100% true. He. Will. Provide. I promise. He won’t call you to go on a mission trip and then leave you high and dry to figure out all the logistics on your own. He will provide the money. He will provide trustworthy care for your children while you’re gone. Is your spouse not on board? Pray about it – God will provide a willing heart.

I did NOT sit down today planning to write a post inviting you to come on my mission trip with me – so it has to be God speaking! This is your opportunity to travel to Africa and make a difference in the life of an orphan. More than that, it’s an opportunity for you to allow God to radically change your own life in ways you’ve never imagined. To share in HIS heart for those who are broken and hurting. I don’t want you to miss out on this incredible opportunity! You really can travel to Uganda with me and visit these beautiful faces….watch this video and pray about joining me on a life-changing adventure!!

Pure Religion: Uganda 2011 with Visiting Orphans from Jennifer Hanson on Vimeo.

“And if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry, and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.” Isaiah 58:10 (go read the rest of this chapter!)

Trip dates are December 26 (I know, I know – but God will provide!) through January 7. I just KNOW one of you is supposed to go with me!!

Hello Thursday

Well, hello, Thursday. My, you snuck up on me quick this week. (I don’t really think “snuck” is a word, but my spell check says it’s ok, so I’m going with it.)

**Edit: this started out as sort of a “random Thursday” post, but kind of turned into a mostly-about-Ebenezer post. Sorry. I can’t seem to help myself. :)

So much going on around here lately – seems we are busy, busy, busy all the time, but at the same time it seems like really nothing is going on. When it’s the same-o, same-o, I guess it seems like nothing, even if it’s a lot.

Let’s see.

So….Uganda. LOTS going on with that already. Update in the next post (whenever that may be).

Kloe is preparing for her first major ballet production. She is so excited she could pop. She’s been taking ballet for just over a year, and she auditioned for a part in the spring production and got it! We are SO proud of her. It’s a small, group part, but just to be able to say she’s in the production is so awesome!

Jacob? Is, well, Jacob. :) He’s not playing any sports right now, and I’m SO thankful. Practices and games every week just about wear me out. He’s doing Boy Scouts (loves), preparing for Battle of the Books at school, and is learning to do his own laundry. Glory. And hallelujah.

The Mister is B.U.S.Y. with a capital “B” this time of year. He sells drip irrigation systems, so they are trying to squeeze in every last sale and minute of work they can before the farmers plant. We typically see him between 9 (or 10) p.m. and 7 (or 6) a.m. I am oh-so-ready for planting season to get here!

My newest bloggy loves: We Are THAT Family and Gloriously Ruined. If you aren’t reading them, you should. Wynne from Gloriously Ruined is a photographer and is good friends with my mission trip leader, Kari Gibson. She was part of the Man Up and Go team and is pretty much all-around awesome. I just recently found out that she only lives a couple of hours away from me! We are totally planning a get-together soon. ;-)

I’m still making letters for Ebenezer, and even yesterday when I walked into Jacob’s school, the workroom assistant stopped me and ordered 3 more.  Oh Lord. Whew. Making those letters is SO involved and SO time-consuming and SO frustrating to me….and yet, the orders just keep coming. I really don’t even make that much profit from them to donate to Ebenezer, and yet I can’t seem to get away from them. Thank you, Jesus, for Your purpose.

Speaking of Ebenezer, I have to tell you THE. COOLEST. STORY. EVER. IN. THE. HISTORY. OF. THE. WORLD. Ever.

About six-ish weeks ago, the director of Hope Grafted In (HGI) (which is the U.S. non-profit that handles donations for Ebenezer) contacted me and asked if I would host an online 31 Gifts party (she’s a consultant) as a fundraiser for Ebenezer. I said, “Uh, sure, but I typically don’t do very well with parties.”

I thought maybe if I got a friend to team up with me we would do better. So my friend A graciously jumped on board, and we had an online party for 3 weeks. And we got 3 orders. Three. We raised all of $50 for Ebenezer. Which is good, don’t get me wrong, but I was a little discouraged to say the least.

Well. Right after we found out the total from the party – like that same day – Ebenezer posted on their FB page that the heavy rains of the Ugandan rainy season had caused their school/church structure to collapse. And by “structure”, I mean it was a metal roof held up by some wooden poles. Not even “poles” as you would picture them, but just trimmed down tree-poles. That structure is where they hold classes for their school, which is a source of income to the ministry. George posted that they needed 90,500 shillings to fix the structure. OH. MY. GOSH. Do you know how much 90,500 shillings is? Approximately $34.

I emailed HGI right away and said, “OH. MY. GOSH.” (I like emailing in all caps when I’m excited.) “Am I reading this right? It’s going to cost less than $40 to fix the structure???” They emailed back and said, “Yes, I think so! God knew what He was doing – looks like your 31 party will cover the whole thing!”

I was beside myself. SOOO cool that my “disappointing” $50 donation was now going to completely pay to fix their school room/church structure!

Ohhhh, but wait, it gets better.

Almost as soon as I got that email from HGI – in fact, I think while I was reading it – George posted an update on FB that said, “Sorry, the repairs are not 90,500 shillings, they’re 900,500 shillings.”

Oh, the difference a zero can make! What we thought was going to take $34 to fix was actually going to take $335. HGI emailed me again and said, “Your $50 will still help them get there.”

*sigh*

Now wait. Remember I’m still making letters for them? Earlier that day – before all the drama – I had just so happened to “randomly” check the balance in the separate checking account I use for that money. There was $282.00 in the account.

Check this.

$335.00 (to fix the structure)
-  50.00 (31 Gifts fundraiser)
$285.00

$285!!!!
Y’ALL!!!
(Yes. Yes, I DO need all those exclamation points!!!!)

GOD. IS. SO. COOL!!!!

Never have I ever been SO. ECSTATIC. about God's awesomeness (ok, maybe not "never")!!  And that, my friends, makes any day a good day.  Happy Thursday (night)!

Hello? Is this thing on? (the story of me and where I'm at)

So, it's been pretty quiet here around the ol' blog lately. For quite a while actually. Not much going on. Not much to say about what's going on. Kinda been in my own little world for these past few months. Ruminating. Pondering. Waiting....

and waiting....


and waiting....


I've spent a lot of time in prayer. Not nearly as much as I should have probably, but a lot.

Lots of time reading. Getting the message loud and clear -- Wait.

And pray.

And then....keep waiting.

In case you're wondering exactly what it is I've been waiting ON, well, I'm kind of wondering that myself.

You see, a few years ago God began telling me to DO SOMETHING, do something, do something - and it took me the longest time to figure out what it was I was supposed to be DOING. And finally, after much wailing and gnashing of teeth, I went on a mission trip to Uganda. Two trips, actually.

When I came home from my first trip two summers ago, I immediately turned right around and signed up to go back again the next summer (which is now last summer). But when I got home from that second trip, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to DO next. My heart was both broken for and in love with the country of Uganda and its people, and I fully expected to come home to some huge revelation from God about what was next on the agenda for me and Uganda.

And there was nothing. Crickets.

I was more burdened and confused than I think I may ever have been before in my life, and I didn't know what to do about it.

And when I asked God what to DO, He said, "Wait."

And I said, "Ok, what do I DO while I'm waiting?"

And He said, "Pray."

Um. Ok. What exactly am I waiting and praying FOR?

And so while I waited to hear what God wanted me to DO, I prayed. I prayed that I would be willing to WAIT (are you seeing the vicious circle here?) I prayed that my heart would be changed. I prayed that I would learn to totally and completely surrender to God's plan. I prayed for the nation of Uganda, and for Christopher, and for George, and for all the friends I had made while I was there. I prayed for their ministries, and I prayed that God would let me go back there again someday. And then I prayed some more that I would be willing to surrender to God's plan. :) I prayed for my heart and my husband's heart and my children's hearts. I prayed. And I waited.  And I prayed some more.

While I waited I made some wooden letters, and I sold some jewelry, and I had an auction, all to raise money for one of the ministries I love in Uganda. Just to have something to DO. I wrote letters pouring out my love to my sweet Christopher. I kept up with Ugandan friends on Facebook and tried oh so hard not to be envious of former teammates who were already back there or planning their returns.....while I waited.

And then at last, in February - something to DO!

After much PRAYER, I felt like God was giving me the go-ahead to go to Team Leader Training with Visiting Orphans - the organization I've been to Uganda with both times. And so I spent a weekend in Nashville learning how to lead a mission team! I was SO, SO excited about the training, and I told the Mister before I left, "You know I'm coming home with a trip on the calendar, right?"

V.O. staff and brand new leaders

The weekend was fabulous and amazing and exciting and fun and.....and.....and I came home with no trip scheduled. You see, all the 2013 trips already have leaders, and they aren't scheduling trips for 2014 yet. And so, I got to come back home and.....wait.

And finally - finally - I gave up. That was it. That was the straw that broke....well....me. I gave in. And through tears, I surrendered my heart to God's plan. Through tears, I told Him, "I lay it all down. Whatever You want, I choose You. Fill my heart with a desire for nothing else other than to follow You and obey You."

I made a list. "God, I am laying down:
-Uganda
-going there with my family
-Canaan's
-leading a trip
-seeing Christopher again
-Ebenezer
-Sixty Feet
....and even if I never get to go back to Uganda again, I choose You."

To be continued....

Going to the chapel.

Look at me, blogging twice in one week. If I’m not careful, this could become a habit.

Two weeks ago this past Wednesday, I was standing at my kitchen sink doing the dishes when my phone rang. It was my dear friend Tammi, who I’ve known for over 16 years, and who is a kindergarten teacher at a local Christian school. She said, "We want you to come talk about your trips to Uganda during chapel at school!" She was SO excited, and I could tell she expected me to be, too.

My immediate, emphatic, and serious response was "NO."

For real.

Tammi was shocked, "What?! Why not? You have to! You LOVE Uganda! This is a chance for you to talk about what you did and the people there that you love!"

Yes, I love Uganda, thanks, but NO, I will not stand on a stage in our (very large) church and talk in front of all those people! Thank You, God, for the opportunity, but no thanks. Ha - I'm so dumb.

Tammi and I argued and argued and argued about it, like only the best of friends can do, until finally she said, "Well, you pray about it and let me know tomorrow what you decide."

Almost immediately when I got off the phone, God reminded me of the verse that says, “Whoever can be trusted with little can also be trusted with much." (Luke 16:10) He said, “Valerie, I’m giving you this opportunity. Can you be trusted with little? Are you going to turn this down when you’ve asked Me over and over again to give you opportunities to do something more for Uganda?” Sheesh.

I thought about the letters I painted to help raise money for Ebenezer. Little. I thought about the jewelry sale and auction I did for them. Little. Both of those were time consuming and frustrating in their own way, but I stuck it out. I wanted to be trusted with the little.

And I felt like maybe God was giving me this opportunity to take a tiny step forward on the path, traveling from "little" toward the general direction of "much". Sigh. But did it have to be something so hard? (Why I thought it would be anything less, I have no idea.) I H.A.T.E. speaking in front of people. Did you know that the fear of death is the SECOND most common fear people have? Do you know what #1 is?

Public speaking. Mmm-hmm. Hence my immediate "no" to Tammi's invitation.

Long Short story short, I called Tammi the next day and reluctantly told her I would do it. Tammi had a great idea that she could be on the stage with me, and we would do the presentation more like an interview. Whew! That made it SOO much better. It put my mind at great ease, and I actually started to get a little excited about it.

Tammi had assured me there was no reason to be nervous, because after all, I would be speaking to pre-k through 3rd graders. “Yes, and teachers and parents!” I said. She said, “Oh no, there’s only 5 (I think that’s what she said) classes (meaning only 5 teachers) and only a few parents come to chapel.”  She totally lied.

When I walked into the church Wednesday morning, the sanctuary was PACKED!! Ok, not packed. But we have a pretty large sanctuary, and it was at least half full. There were TONS of parents there. Tons. Including one of our local news anchors (his child goes to school there). Not to mention a TOUR GROUP of visitors from South Korea! What?!

Seriously. You people have no idea how much I hate this. Tammi simply cannot FATHOM why this is so hard for me. She is just about as sanguine as they come and has no concept.

But I fought down my urge to bolt, and sucked it up and got up on that stage. In the end, Tammi had ended up emailing me a list of 12 questions that the kids themselves had come up with. The kids (and Tammi) sat on the stage with me, and as I answered their questions, I did a slide show of pictures that went along with the answers.

And you know what?

I had fun.

Don’t tell anyone. :)

God gave me the opportunity to tell probably 200 (?) people about my love for Uganda! Are you kidding me? Yes, I was petrified. But God totally came through, and after the first little kindergartener asked me his question, the Holy Spirit filled me with total peace (John 14:27), and I was able to sit on that stage, reminisce about my lovely Uganda, and tell people what God allowed me to do there.

Amazing.

God is good. (and patient)

“Courage is being scared to death, and saddling up anyway.” ~ John Wayne

On being a doer (or notsomuch)

*This post was written way back at the beginning of December.  Old news, but thought it was worth posting anyway.  I didn't want all that effort to go to waste! :)  If you're friends with me on facebook, you've seen the end results of this post already, but now you'll know the back story....

I am SO not a doer. Not one of those choleric personality types who sees a need and goes after it until it’s met. Oh, I see the need alright, and I go after it alright. I’m a great starter. A great idea-er. In fact, a little too eager for my own good in the idea department. Ready to jump into all sorts of projects and activities at the drop of a hat. Great on the uptake; a little lacking in the follow-through.

I’m more of the phlegmatic runner-out-of-gas-half-way-through type. And it frustrates the dog out of me – not to mention everyone else around me.

And that’s where I find myself now with a project I started to raise money for Ebenezer Children’s Ministry in Kibuku, Uganda.

Ebenezer was started by my sweet friends George and Sylvia Kooli, who I met during my first trip to Uganda in 2011. George was the director at Canaan Children’s Home (I talked briefly about him here) – where my sweet Christopher lives – during both of my trips there. When my team was there this past summer, we learned that George would be leaving Canaan shortly after our trip. I was SO SAD. But George had clearly heard the call of God on his life to start his own children’s ministry, and in obedience to that call, George and Sylvia spent their entire savings to secure a home and small parcel of land in the town of Kibuku, about 3 hours away from Jinja (where Canaan is).

George, Sylvia, and Baby Leslie

Oh friends. If you could only see the place where they live. And where they have taken in 20 HIV-infected and -affected children. When I saw the pictures I was stunned. And I’ve seen lots of stuff in Uganda.

They have cement floors (which is common), no electricity (they use TORCHES for light), and up until a couple of weeks ago had no running water.

Front of the house

bunk beds in the living room

kitchen (!)

back of the house

Sweet Sylvia tidying up the room where 20 children sleep.

Waiting for lunch.

Not long after they took in their first group of children, I received an email from George (it was a group email – not just to me personally) asking for monetary donations so that they could BUY FOOD for the children. They were out of money (remember they spent all their savings), and now that George had quit his job they had NO source of income.

Oh. My. Word. Can you even imagine? Truly. Truly. Stop for just a second and imagine that being your family.

Their only source of water at the time was a community well (hole in the ground) where they had to pull water up out of the ground in a jerry can. When the rainy season came, the well (hole in the ground) got contaminated, and they started having to buy bottled water to supply their needs.

Their water source - those are George's feet in the picture.

Now let’s back up for a minute. They didn’t have enough money to buy FOOD to feed themselves or the children, but they were having to PAY to buy bottled water. George really wanted to have running water installed at the house (which – mind you – means a spicket outside, not faucets inside). I asked him how much that would cost, and he replied apologetically that it would cost 898,000 shillings.

EGAD!! 898,000 shillings??

Um. Hold up a second. That’s $373.00 U.S.  Are you kidding me?

Oh, how I wished we just had the $373 we could send him. But we didn’t. And so I began to pray that God would show me a way I could raise some money to help them. And every time I prayed, a picture kept coming back to my mind of a picture I had seen on Pinterest of some giant wooden letters painted so cute with all manner of polka-dots and a cute bow on top.

I thought, “I could make those and sell them to raise money for George!”

Ahem.

Yes. Yes, I could.

(Great on the uptake. A little lacking on the follow through.)

And so I began a quest to find these gigantic wooden letters for a price that would still allow me to make a profit. I found the letters, tossed out an order form at Jacob’s school, and promptly got orders for FIFTEEN!! Wahoo!

Ahem.

And then I started buying ribbon to make the bows. And I bought the wrong kind and had to take a bunch of it back. And then I figured out I didn’t know how to make bows, and the lady who offered to teach me said what I really needed was one of those Bow Maker as-seen-on-tv thingies. So I bought one of those.

And then I bought spray paint and tried to paint my 15 gigantic letters and found that the wood sucked in the paint so fast you couldn’t even SEE any color on them! So I went back to the store and bought spray primer, and came home and found that one can would only cover about three letters.

Sigh.

Back to the store for more primer.

And then I read on the back of the spray can that you can only paint if the temperature is above 65 degrees. In December. Good thing we live in West Texas. And there has to be no – and I mean ZERO – wind. Not so good that we live in West Texas.

And so in between waiting and waiting for the temperature and the wind to cooperate at the same time, I started making bows. I would paint a couple letters, then make a couple bows. I made about 3 before I had to go back to the store for more ribbon.

And then more paint.

And more ribbon.

And OHMYGOSH, CAN I JUST QUIT ALREADY?!

There are probably a dozen other “ands” that I could tell you about – from trying to find the right size of painting sponge to trying to find fluorescent orange wired ribbon to the paint that literally disappeared when it dried – and with each and every one I wanted (and still want) to yell, “Just forget it!!”

But I have already told George I’m doing this fundraiser and by NO MEANS am I going to back out on him.

I’m so happy to report that some other very generous (and probably choleric) donors have already provided the money needed to install running water at Ebenezer. (THANK THE LORD they’re not waiting on me to come through! I could be here until NEXT Christmas!) But I am determined to finish this project and send the profits (which will be about $2.37 by the time I’m done making 47 trips to the store) to George and Sylvia.

Besides the fact that there are these people who’ve ordered 15 letters to give as Christmas presents and are depending on me to come through!

Oh Lord. Whatintheworld.

Please pray for me. I am truly going to need the grace of God to help me get all these letters done on time.

And please, PLEASE don’t ever let me do something like this again!

*Edited to add: By God's grace, I DID finish all the letters by the skin of my teeth.  I never wanted to see one of those giant wooden letters again.  And then....by God's grace and fabulous sense of humor, as I was making all my deliveries people started coming out of the WOODWORK clamoring to get more of them!  Before I even knew what was happening, I had orders for 15 more!!  Needless to say, my hubby and my children are not thrilled.  BUT....I asked God to show me a way to raise money for Ebenezer, and truly, my first efforts didn't really produce any profit.  I learned a lot, and have lots of paint and ribbon left over, so I'm hoping and praying this next lot will be much more profitable!  Wish me luck!  Pray for me?

A new season.

This is not at all the blog post I sat down to write today. I fully intended to just pop in, say hi, give a little update about what's been going on around here lately, tell you how I almost killed Jacob's fish today when I DROPPED IT DOWN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL, and maybe post a picture or two (not of the fish). But, well, this is what came flowing out of my fingertips....

It's been quiet here around the ol' blog lately. Not a lot going on. I've been laying low, taking some time off to think, reflect, contemplate, pray.

Coming home from Africa nearly did me in this year. Last year was hard. But this year? Just about ate my lunch. And dinner. I was overwhelmed in a way I’ve never experienced before and didn't know how to process.... wanting to be back there, missing Christopher until my heart ached, insanely homesick for a place that is not my home. I was going through the motions of everyday life, but my heart was not functioning. I felt horribly, horribly sad every waking moment of the day. And I didn't know what to do about it.

Uganda was the first thought on my mind every morning and the last thought on my mind every night. I was obsessed, I tell you. I prayed constantly, feverishly - for George, for Christopher, for Pastor Samuel. I cried and pleaded with the Lord over and over, "What am I supposed to do now? Show me what to DO. I don't know what to DO." After more than two years of hearing God say to me, "Do Something," the sheer panic of not knowing what to DO with all those emotions was really about to make me crazy.

What do I DO?

And then one day we all decided to go get ice cream. (Nice segue, huh? The next sentence should be “The End”.)

I was standing at the counter waiting for the lady to process my debit card, and I looked over to my left, and there taped to the ice cream case was a post card. On the post card was this verse:

Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you...

and pray to the Lord on its behalf,

for in its welfare you will have welfare. Jer. 29:7

Um.  Wow.

That was it. I heard God saying, “This is your something to do. Pray.” Do you know how hard it is to pray when you want to DO? I’m not very good at it.

And because I’m not very good at it, although I kept on praying, I also kept on asking, “But what am I supposed to DO?” Sheesh, I’m slow.

I was so desperate to hear something from God that I started asking Him to please speak to me through someone else. I said, “I know You speak through Your word, and I know You whisper in my heart, but I could totally make up either one of those things. Would You please speak to me through someone else?”

Truth be told, I only 1/2 expected Him to answer. Maybe 1/3.

Fast forward to church this past Sunday. In our Sunday School class we’re doing a video series right now, and after the video we always break up into groups of 2 or 3 to pray. I got paired up with an amazing woman named Moray. (I don’t know how to spell her name, but when she introduced herself she said, “I’m Moray – like the eel.” :) )

I was wearing this beauty, which I wear almost every day:

…and Moray said, “Tell me about Africa.” Ha! She didn’t know what she was getting herself into! ;)

As I began to share my (condensed) story, she seemed enraptured and kept saying things like, “Oh, Valerie! That’s amazing! Wow!” All the things a story-teller wants to hear. :)

When I finished my story, I said, “And so….I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do now!”

And she said (dramatic pause for effect).....

“Well. That’s all the more reason to be in the Word. This is a time of learning, a time of studying and growing, a time of stretching so that you will be ready when God reveals His plan to you.”

Now, I know to you those just seem like sound words of wisdom. But to me, they sounded like the voice of God granting my request for Him to speak to me through someone else. A reconfirming that what I'm supposed to be DOing right now is waiting....and praying.  Being still and knowing that He is God.  I’ve felt so much more at peace since then. Not completely – but much more than before.

This is uncharted territory for me. A new season. Never before can I remember ever being in a time of purposeful, intentional waiting before the Lord. Before now, “waiting” has always consisted of me impatiently standing around, tapping my foot, waiting for God to “do His thang.” Like a kid waiting for you to finish doing the dishes so you can take him to the park. “Is it time yet? Now? Now is it time? Are you done yet? Can we go now?”

For the first time (ever?), I’m choosing to sit, and be quiet, and be still, and listen, and learn…..and wait.

And it’s hard.

Because instead of, “I’m listening, Lord,” what I really want to say is, “Can we go now?”

I just know there's more.

I'm sitting here staring at the blinking curser on my screen, knowing that there is so much more to write about my time in Africa, and not even knowing where to begin.  I went back and read my posts from last year, and now I know why I never finished writing about that trip.  I just. don't. know. what to say.

It's next to impossible (for a non-writer like me) to put into words the things you do and see and experience and feel when you visit a third-world country like Ethiopia or Uganda (or any other).  I sit and I ponder, and I pray, and I wonder what in the world I'm supposed to do now.  And putting it all into words?  I just don't know how.


Chuko Weyama, Ethiopia



(through the bus window :))

I've read several blog posts over the past few days, written by my fellow teammates about their experiences during our trip, and they are all so eloquent!  Perfectly describing not just the facts, but their thoughts, feelings, and impressions about all that we saw.  Me?  Eloquent isn't on my resume.

This beautiful little girl was asking for money as we were loading the bus. :(

And this precious little boy's grandmother asked me
to take him back to America with me. :(

I can do the facts pretty well - after all, I'm a detail girl - but I think last year I over-explained every little FACT because I just couldn't express the emotions that went along with them.  I can't even explain what I'm feeling to my own self.  How can I possibly write it out here?

But here's the thing I do know.  Uganda is huge....HUGE....gigantic....in my heart.  I've known that for a year now, but it kinda tends to fade with the passing of time, you know?  You get busy with life - work, school, PTA, soccer, ballet, church, boy scouts, bills, laundry, grocery shopping, blah blah blah - and somehow the passions of your heart, when you're distracted with the cares of day-to-day life, get pushed to the back burner and start to fade a little.

We were so honored to get to help serve lunch to the beautiful children at Return Ministries!

So after spending the first week of our trip in Ethiopia, I was not in ANY way expecting the tidal wave of emotion that swept over me when our plane landed in Uganda.  Before we even touched down the tears started flowing, and I cried until I had to pull myself together to get off the plane.  What in the world?  What was that all about? 

It was overwhelming, unexpected love.  A love that could only come straight from the heart and plan of God.  A love for this amazing country and its beautiful people.  A love I can't begin to explain, didn't expect or seek out, and don't know what to do with now that I'm home.

Children living near Kampala, Uganda.

Actually, my heart is swimming in a battery of different emotions, and really, I don't know what to do with ANY of them.  I'm....
sad - because I'm not there and I don't know when I'll get to go back. 
homesick - for a place that's not my home. 
longing - to know what's going on in the lives of the people I came to love there. 
confused - about where I go from here and what I'm supposed to do now. 
anxious - for my family to share this love and passion.
frustrated - over all of the above.

My sweet friend Ashley (thank you, friend) told me, "As hard as it is, I know Jesus is speaking to you through your passion, pain and ache for Uganda.  Listen to the ache and you will hear Him."  Oh, how I love that!  It's so hard - and so counterintuitive - and so RIGHT.  Because to "listen to the ache" you have to sit in it for a while.  And be still.  And wait.  And listen.  And who wants to do that?  Not this girl!

I want ANSWERS!

I want DIRECTION!

I want a PURPOSE!

But....listening to the ache?  On one hand, it sounds so depressing.  But on this other hand over here, I just know that it's right. 

"Be still and know that I am God."  Ps. 46:10

"The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by."  Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a still small voice." 1 Kings 19:11-12

And oddly enough, it feels right, too.  Because what else am I gonna do with this ache in my heart?  Wallow in it?  Pretend it's not there?  Ignore it until it fades away like last year's passion?  No.  I want to be still, and wait, and listen to the ache until I hear Him tell me what it means.
 
Because I just know there's more.
 

And then it was over. Or not.

Apparently it's harder to blog from Africa than I thought it would be. :)

Not just because of the time constraints - we were on the go every day from breakfast through late dinners - but also because of the sheer overwhelmingness of what we saw and did every day.  Where do you even start?  It's like coming home and having someone ask "How was your trip?"  There's just no easy response.

Good?  Amazing?  Incredible.  Overwhelming.

Life changing.

Sunrise over the Atlantic Ocean.

How many things in life can we say truly are Life Changing?  Meaning, they truly, literally CHANGE your very life?

Remember my New Year's Quest to Be Different?  I pray with all my heart that the last two summers I spent in Africa will absolutely CHANGE the way I live my life.  Because it needs to be changed.  I don't for one single second believe God allowed me to go on these two incredible journeys so that I could come home and say, "Wow, that was amazing," and go back to life as usual.  What would be the point in that?

I don't know what that means, or what it looks like, or what it will entail going forward, but I'm going to be praying for it with all my heart.  Because I want to be different.  And I want my family to be different.  And I want us to MAKE a difference.

And so.  With that, let's talk about Africa. ;)

Airport in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia

Day two of our adventure (see day one in the previous post) was supposed to be THE BIG DAY, when we would visit a leper village near Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, called Korah, as well as a community that was literally built on top of the trash dump.

Look at this picture below.  Do you see the people there?  Those people don't VISIT the dump every day to dig through the trash.....they LIVE there.  Are you getting this?  They LIVE in little shacks and shanties that they have built from pieces of tin and cardboard - right. on. top. of. the. trash. dump. (oh, and all those flecks you see in the sky?  vultures.)

They live there every single minute of every single day.  Their children are born there.  They scrounge through the GARBAGE to find food to feed their families.  Truly....truly....stop and think about that existence for a minute.  Your family.  Your children.  THIS is why we can't go on living our lives blind to the rest of the world.

The government of Addis has recently closed the trash dump to groups (gee, I wonder why), and so we weren't allowed to visit the villagers who live there.  We were, however, able to visit Korah, which began as a leper colony right next to the trash dump.  About 75 years ago, the government established Korah as a "throw-away" village, where lepers were cast out of the city to live in seclusion....exactly like in Bible times. 

Today there are thousands of people who live in Korah (the last estimate I read was 130,000), and they are considered the lowest of the low.  They are so "forgotten", in fact, that many people in the capital city of Addis Ababa - of which Korah is a part, a burrough, if you will - don't even know it EXISTS.

The children coming to greet us! :)

Let me tell you a story about one of the children of Korah.  His name is Sammy.  Both of Sammy's parents were lepers.  His father eventually died of leprosy, leaving Sammy alone in Korah with his mother and sister.  When Sammy was about 12 (14?) years old, a Young Life team visited Korah, and Sammy met a man who took an interest in him, and through a series of events, eventually helped Sammy find Jesus, get out of Korah, and get an education.  [You can read more of Sammy's store here.]

Sammy has now returned to Korah, and he's making it his life's work to change the lives of the people who live there.  He has started a ministry called Great Hope, which has several arms under its canopy: a feeding program; a daycare where moms can leave their children while they work; a ministry called Mission Ethiopia, where the women of Korah make bead necklaces to sell and earn money; another ministry called Project 61 that secures sponsors for the children of Korah, whereby they can get out of the village and attend boarding school; and he's just now starting to build a coffee shop RIGHT IN THE VILLAGE, where visiting teams can buy coffee (brewed or unbrewed) to help support his other ministries.

And he's 26 years old.

THIS is someone whose life was changed, and who is doing the most he can to make a difference in the world.  A huge difference.  I am totally amazed at all he's doing with the opportunities God has given him.

Meet Sammy.  What an incredible (and handsome!) young man of God.

So...what did we do in Korah?

Walked.
Saw.
Played.
Loved.
Learned.
Changed.

We walked through a large portion of the village, playing with and loving on kids along the way, greeting the villagers with "Selam", which means, "Peace".  We touched and hugged and held hands with lepers - those who may not have felt the love of human touch in many, many years.  We had the humbling honor of being the hands of Jesus.

We watched women hand-spinning cotton into thread and then watched the men hand-loom the thread into fabric, creating with their hands the very sustenance of their lives.  I loved this.  Loved witnessing the way God has brought provision to this forgotten community and given them a means of supporting themselves and their families, when before there was no hope but what they could find on the dump.

We also had the opportunity to serve with our hands by painting three rooms of the building where the women of Mission Ethiopia make beads out of clay and paper, and then use those beads to make necklaces which, again, they can sell to provide income for their families.  A wholesome, alternative means of income.  Alternative to....the things they were forced to resort to before.

Spinning cotton into thread.

Weaving the thread into fabric.

One of the rooms we painted. :)

Making clay beads in their lovely new blue room!

And, maybe most importantly, we were changed.  Hopefully forever.  We learned that life is about so much more than anything we normally think about on a typical day in America.  We learned that following Jesus is about so much more than just dressing up for church and attending Bible study and picnics.  We saw with our own eyes what it means to BE the body of Christ.

Please, please take a few minutes to watch this video about Korah.  This isn't our team - but it will give you a very good idea about what Korah is like (and you'll see Sammy several times in the video as well! :)

And then take a minute and ask God what He wants you to do with what you've seen.  Share it?  Tell others?  Facebook?  Blog?  Sponsor a child?  Find other ministries to support and get involved with? 

Because I promise you, whether you get involved with Korah and Great Hope Ministry or not....I know God wants you - wants all of us - to do something.

Once our eyes are opened we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows we know and holds us responsible to act. Proverbs 24:12

Hello from Africa!!

You will have to excuse my incoherence - I've only slept a total of about 6 hours since the time I woke up on Tuesday morning!

My adventure began eaaarly Wednesday morning at 4 a.m.  My sweet friend B had offered to drive me to the airport in Dallas to catch my flight to Washington DC. God was so obviously working on my behalf throughout the day! The details are tedious, but the highlights include Him leading us in the right way when we got lost (!), getting me to the airport on time despite being lost, faithfully walking me through getting my bags checked without paying the baggage fee (they're not supposed to charge you when you're connecting to an international flight, but the ticket agent was not convinced of that!), getting me to TWO flights on time despite running late, and allowing me a 3rd bag for free when security made me check it! Thank you so much for all of your prayers - they have been so obvious in my life the past two days!

I flew from Dallas to Charlotte, NC, then from there to Washington DC where we spent the night. Thursday morning our awesome team of 23 left DC for a 12 1/2 hour flight to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, where we arrived at about 7:15 Friday morning (we are 7 hours ahead of Washington DC). We had a few minutes to drop our stuff at the guest house, and then we were off to visit the beautiful ladies at Fistula Women's Hospital (photos are not allowed). This is the amazing hospital from the documentary "A Walk to Beautiful". Have you seen it? If not, you should definitely try to track it down (I know it's on Netflix, and maybe Hulu(?)).  This place and the care they give to these women is AMAZING. You may have even heard of it when Oprah visited there about 7 years ago and made a rather hefty donation. :)

After the hospital we had a DELICIOUS home-cooked lunch at our guesthouse and then everybody crashed for naps! :) About half the team just left to visit an orphanage, about 1/3 of the team never woke up from their naps, and the rest of us (3) are blogging/emailing/facebook messaging. :)

Tonight we have dinner at a local restaurant, and tomorrow is THE BIG DAY when we will be visiting and loving on the people of the village of Korah, which is literally built on top of a trash dump. For real. So did you even know that there truly are people whose whole existence consists every day of digging through the trash that the trucks bring in, in order to find their sustenance? Meaning their food. And maybe a few salvagable trinkets they might be able to sell. Other people's trash and leftovers.

We in America have no. i. dea.

I would love to have your prayers for myself and my team over the next two weeks. We have already heard so many stories of God's faithfulness just in the 2 days we've been traveling so far. He's been so amazing and gracious! I'm hoping I'll be able to update here a little better this year than I did last year, with the help of the awesome treat I posted about last week. :) Most likely, though, my posts will be short and sweet due to not having much time in the evenings, and also because there are 23 of us trying to use the very limited wifi all at once.

{uggggh. I can NOT figure out how to upload pictures into a blog post on the ipad. When I click on the little insert photo icon, the "select pictures" button is grayed out. Anyone know how to do this? If not, none of my posts will have pictures until I get back home! If you're my friend on FB, I'm posting a very FEW pics there....very slow internet :) }

More to come!!

Bringing home Mareto

Oh my goodness, this is one of the most beautiful adoption videos I've ever seen. I cried and cried through this video...and I don't even know these people. :) Grab a tissue and watch....

It's not about the apples.

I was standing in the produce section at Wal*Mart when it slapped me in the face struck me.

Just a few hours earlier I'd been at home reading Katie Davis's blog. The Mister and I were looking at a picture of some children carrying plastic sacks on their heads, and I was telling him how the kids who came to Amazima while we were there would literally fight over unripened mangos as they knocked them out of the trees with a giant stick. They would scurry around, scooping up the hard, green fruit, filling their little torn, dirty plastic bags, then guarding them like a prize. The younger kids often lost their treasure to the older ones.



Because they're hungry. Truly hungry. The kind of hunger my kids and I have never known.

And there I stood in Wal*Mart, passing over one apple after another after another. Because this one had a broken spot in the peel, and that one had a yellow place on one side, and another had a small bruise. And as I stood there, the picture of the children at Amazima came back to me. And I hung my head, wondering if everyone else around me was shaking their head at my pickiness. I sighed and quickly scooped a couple of apples into my sack.

Most of the time I’m overwhelmed with trying to figure out how I can afford to buy groceries while avoiding the BPAs in canned foods, the pesticides in fresh foods, the nitrates and nitrites in lunch meat, the hormones in milk, and on and on (and on). And just this week I read this post about how the chocolate I buy is most likely produced by child slaves. Oh. My. Word. (I did skip the Hershey’s cocoa at the store. Haven’t quite figured out what I’m gonna do about that yet.)

All the way home from the store I thought about this. God is messing with my heart, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do about it. Does this mean I’m supposed to choose the worse-looking fruit at Wal*Mart? Am I supposed to skip the luxury of fruit altogether? Is it wrong for me to spend more for organic? Should we be eating beans and rice every day because that’s all some of these children in Uganda get?



I can’t quite talk about the chocolate issue yet, but here’s what I think about the fruit. I don’t think it’s really about the fruit. Or about buying organic, or eating rice and beans every day. I think it’s about......hold on......wait for it......our hearts.

And that doesn't just mean how we feel about those who have less, but the action we're willing to take.

The issue is, what are we DOING about the children who eat nothing but rice and beans every day (if they even get to eat every day) while we eat a vast array of perfect, fresh, organic fruit and every other kind of food we could possibly ever dream of? (And obviously, this analogy could be applied to any number of different scenarios.) Are we ignoring them? Looking the other way? Shaking our heads and saying “how sad” while we go about life as usual? Because if we are, that’s when something’s wrong.

It's not about feeling guilty for what we have. God is the One who decided where we would be born, where we would live, and (though open to debate) what jobs we would have. But while I don't think we’re supposed to go through life feeling guilty, I think we ARE supposed to take the blessings we’ve been given and use them for the good of others. God didn’t give us all this stuff just so we could sit in our luxury and satisfy our own insatiable desires. He has given us what we have so that we can give and share and help others.

Every blessing we have been given – every gift, every talent, every ability, every financial gain – is given to us for the purpose of serving others.

“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10 (emphasis mine)
"Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." James 2:15-17
“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ Then the King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’” Matt. 25:37-40
“From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” Luke 12:48
What I think God was saying to me in the produce section at Wal*Mart was not, “Don’t be so picky about your apples,” but simply “Remember”.

• Remember that the vast majority of people in the world don’t have the luxury of being picky with their fruit (or anything else they eat, for that matter).


• Remember that I have been blessed to be a blessing. It’s not just a pretty cliché, it’s TRUTH.


• Remember that I am among the wealthiest people in the world - when compared to the rest of the world – and with that wealth comes great responsibility.


• Remember that saying, “I felt sad for them” isn’t going to be the right answer when Jesus asks me what I did about the people I saw all around me in dire need.

Please know that I am so very, very far from doing this right. But I'm trying to learn. I want to make a difference. I want to BE different.

Oh Jesus, change my heart. Lord, I’m so selfish and me-focused. I hurry through life only looking out for myself and my own family. Continue to break my heart for the things that break Yours, and then give me the COURAGE to step out of my comfort zone and do something about it. Make me know Your ways, Oh Lord, teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me. (Ps. 25:4-5)

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." Phil. 2:3-4
I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything; but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. ~Edward Everett Hale

Speechless.

Tonight I am alternately jumping up and down screaming (oh yes I am)....and sitting with my hands over my mouth saying over and over, "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!"

SIXTY FEET IS COMING!!!!

And here's the amazing part....we DIDN'T finish in the top 3!! (we were #4) But here's what they said in their announcement of the winners:

We know we said only the top 3, but we also said we like enthusiasm and there were some serious enthusiastic voters. Valerie, we’re coming to see you!

Oh yes they did....they said they're coming to see ME! Can you believe it? :)

THANK YOU for voting!!

I was totally cracking up at all the comments people left to vote. People I don't even know were voting for my hometown, asking them to come here for ME! I sent out an email asking friends to vote, and in the email I said, "You can just say (my hometown) if you want to. Or you can say, 'My friend Valerie is a weirdo and a fanatic. Please come to (hometown) so she’ll leave me alone!'" One person - who I DON'T know - typed that exact sentence! Hahahaha!

Ok, so I know I'm acting like a tweenie who just found out Justin Bieber is coming to her house, but let me tell you - even THEY could not be more excited than I am. ;) Even before I went to Uganda this ministry completely embedded itself in my heart, and when I was there, no other place we went had such a huge impact on my life as being in the children's prisons with SixtyFeet. I can't explain it. I have no words. But this is so huge in my heart that sometimes I feel like it will totally overwhelm me.



Ever since I got back, I've been asking God what I'm supposed to do - to show me a way I can help them. When I read their blogs or see their pictures, something slams into the walls of my heart. Something more than just feeling sad for the children. It's like a longing....a desperation....for I don't even know what. A desperation to do something.



And now, they're coming here! And it's about so much more than just having the chance to meet the people who started this amazing ministry. The fact that we were #4 and they're coming anyway? The fact that they mentioned me specifically? The fact that so many people I don't even know said they were voting because of me? It was like a sweet whisper from God to my heart saying, "I see you. I hear you. I know your heart's desire. And I'm the One who's doing this in you. It's not all in your head.....it's Me."

You know when God does something He doesn't have to, just to show you He loves you? Yeah, it was like that. :)




Me and Moses. LOVE him.

[PLEASE pray with me that every aspect of their trip will be worked out in detail - the publicity, the timing, where they will stay, where the presentation will be held, and that LOTS of people will come and hear about the awesome work they are doing....and join them.]