And so it begins.

It started today.

I wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t prepared. I’d forgotten. Took me totally by surprise. Right. Out. Of. Left. Field. as I sat at my desk at work.

And yet, by God’s amazing grace, He allowed me to recognize it almost immediately.

The Voice.

“You shouldn’t be going on this trip! What are you thinking?”

“You don’t belong with those people. They are GODLY people. UPRIGHT people. People who know what they’re doing. People who BELONG on this trip. People of WIDSOM. People who know when to keep their mouths shut….”

Knowing the source of The Voice….knowing its origin and purpose….knowing that it’s a liar….doesn’t stop the feelings. The heaviness. The tears. They rushed at me with a suddenness and intensity that just about knocked me down.

“You’re going to look like an idiot. They’re all going to wonder why you even came.”

A boss who was frustrated with me – and frustrating me . A co-worker who started more than one sentence today with “Well, I suggest you….” You know that tone. A day of especially wanting to be home with my kids. A husband who is courting a job I’m not sure is God’s will. The tiny little catches in your heart that build one on another on another, until all the sudden it’s perfect timing for that one thought - a memory of something I said on the trip last year that silenced the room.

And suddenly words like “stupid” and “idiot” – and even “stupid idiot” – fly at me and fill my mind out of nowhere.

For someone who’s struggled with self-image my whole life, it often only takes an instant. One comment leads to one thought, and WHAM. Actually, I didn’t really struggle with self-image – for most of my life I just laid down and let it beat me up. I didn’t know any better. But after spending many hours with a cup of coffee and Beth Moore, I slowly started recognizing the lies. And I learned how to fight them.

And let me tell you, you can’t fight the lies of the enemy with self-help books and positive thinking.

You fight LIES with TRUTH.

The truth of God’s Word.

“I am the way, the TRUTH, and the life…” John 14:6

This is what Beth taught me: You let that truth come out of your mouth, and you swing it like the sword that it is. "For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword" (Heb 4:12). "And take....the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." (Eph. 6:17) "Now I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the LORD in your mouth (notice it doesn't say in your heart) is truth.” 1 Kings 17:24 "Do not let this Book of the Law (which is the word of God) depart from your mouth" Josh 1:8 "With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak." 2 Cor 4:13

Satan is not omnicient. He can't read your mind, sister. He can PUT the thoughts there, but he can't hear your silent reply. And let me tell you, the longer I sat silent, the worse it got. But by God's grace He reminded me - OPEN YOUR MOUTH. And this....THIS is why we fill our minds with scripture. THIS is why we teach our kids memory verses. So that when the time comes - and it will - that the enemy is on the prowl (for your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8) you will have a weapon at the ready with which you can fight.

Some weapons like these:

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Ps. 139:14)

God demonstrated His own love for ME in this: While I was still a sinner, Christ died for ME. (Rom. 5:8)

But I have this treasure (the knowledge of God's glory) in THIS jar of clay.... (2 Cor. 4:7)

I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in ME; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved ME and gave Himself up for ME. (Gal. 2:20)

And how about this one:

For God so loved ME, that He gave His only begotten Son, so that I - who believe in Him - shall not perish, but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

So sharpen your swords, sisters. You never know when a surprise attack is coming. Be ready. And swing to kill.