Dear Diary....

This post is nothing other than a bunch of rambling.  What has been mulling through my head in a constant stream for the past few weeks.  What I would write in my journal if I kept one.  But since I don't, it all gets to go here.  Let the ramblings begin....

Dear Diary,

I am still in shock that SixtyFeet is coming here.  Stunned.  I couldn't be more excited if it were the leadership from World Vision or Compassion International or Samaritan's Purse who was coming.  I don't know why.  I don't understand it. 

All I know is that the burden in my heart for SixtyFeet - the heart connection with their ministry and what they do - began long before I ever set foot in Uganda.  I distinctly remember the night in April when our mission team had our second conference call.  That night we learned that we would be the first "outside" mission team to ever work with a fairly new ministry called SixtyFeet.

As soon as the conference call was over and the kids were in bed, I went straight to the website and sat for hours poring over blog posts, videos, and pages about their story, the team, and what they're doing in Uganda.  Hours.  Something struck in me the minute I saw the first picture of M1. I think I read every. single. word. on their website that night.  Twice. 

Our first night in Uganda, Moses, the in-country director of SixtyFeet, came to the boarding house where we were staying to talk to us about what we would be doing at the prisons.  I was mesmerized by his every word, captivated by his testimony and his story of how he came to work with SixtyFeet.  I couldn't get enough. 

The next day it took us about an hour to travel to M1 by bus.  As my teammates and I visited and laughed and made small talk, the back of my mind never strayed far from thoughts about where we were going and what it would be like there.  When we turned off the highway onto the long dirt road that leads to M1, it became more quiet, subdued on the bus, and I think I probably didn't say anything at all for the rest of the ride.
 

And when we came up over the hill....and there in front of us was the exact same building I had looked at over and over again on the SixtyFeet website....my eyes instantly filled with tears.  Such a place of desolation, hopelessness, abandonment.  And the tears weren't far from my eyes for the rest of our time there.

When we left M1 that day, part of my heart stayed there.  I don't know why.  For the rest of the trip, they were never far from my thoughts.  I was so excited when Moses came back to visit with us on our last night in Uganda.  We were able to pray for him and bless him and SixtyFeet with some extra donations.  It was the best.

And then came the day when I read on their blog that they were having a contest to determine what three cities they would visit on their Awareness Tour.  Oh my goodness, did I want to win that contest!  I wanted them to come here so badly!  Just to have a chance to get to know the people who started this ministry that had become so huge in my heart, and to become more involved in what they are doing.  I didn't think there was any possibility whatsoever that we could win, but WE DID!!

It has been quite an ordeal making arrangements for a place for them to show the film and do their presentation.  In fact, we're still in limbo even now.  There are times when I wonder if it really is going to work out at all.  There have been times when I thought they surely would get tired of waiting on me and change their minds about coming (we were #4 in the contest, after all).

Just when I thought we had the place and time confirmed, something came up and SixtyFeet had to reschedule.  So far we haven't been able to find another time that will work with our church.  *sigh*  I'm not a naturally optimistic person, so I'm really having to fight my inclination to just say, "See?  I knew it wouldn't work.  That's it."  I'm trying.  I'm praying.  I'm hoping...  And hopefully, I'm learning.  Learning to leave things in God's hands and trust Him to accomplish His plan - whether that's what I want it to look like or not.

I don't know if God really has anything planned for me to do with this ministry at all.  I've read story after story of people who went on mission trips and then came home and joined a ministry they had visited...or started a ministry of their own...or became involved in with missions in some other way.  I so want that to be me.  But I don't know.

Maybe all of this is only about spreading the message of SixtyFeet to the people of West Texas.  Maybe there will be someone there that night - when we finally DO get it scheduled :) - whose heart will be moved to join the work of SixtyFeet in a huge way.  Maybe after they come and show their film, my part in the plan will be complete.

But then again...maybe not.