Disturb Us, Lord

Disclaimer: Blogger's spacing problems are about to drive me out of my little mind. I could probably fix all the spacing weirdness, but it would take forever and I'm not really in the mood right now. :) I can't figure out why none of the blogs I read seem to be having this problem? Maybe they're just better people than I am and take the time to fix it! Sorry - hope you can bear with me!

I saw this poem on Beth Moore's blog a couple of years ago. It really struck a chord with me at the time, and even more so now with my upcoming trip to Uganda.

Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves,

When our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little,

When we arrived safely

because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when,

With the abundance of things we possess

we have lost our thirst for the waters of life;

Having fallen in love with life,

we have ceased to dream of eternity,

And in our efforts to build a new earth,

we have allowed our vision of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,

To venture on wider seas

where storms will show Your mastery;

Where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars.

We ask You to push back the horizons of our hopes;

And to push into the future in strength, courage, hope, and love.

[Sir Francis Drake]

Seems everywhere I turn lately, God is compelling me to make the decision to go deeper with Him. Further. To make a choice. A deliberate choice. A hard choice. Not one I want to make flippantly or half-heartedly.

I'm not talking about spending more time in Bible study, at church, or necessarily even in serving or in prayer. I'm talking about the kind of decision that makes my heart start to pound. I'm talking about the "I will follow You anywhere, no matter what" prayer. Have you ever prayed the "no matter what" prayer? Really no matter what? Not me. It scares me. It scares the bejeebers out of me.

I want to do a much better job of living my faith, not just proclaiming it. To love with my actions, not just my words. God is stirring in me a yearning to be the body of Christ - His hands and feet. Jesus doesn't have a physical body on earth anymore. But when His Spirit lives inside us, WE become His physical body. So if He were physically on the earth today, would He be spending time in church? Sure. Some. On a committee? Um, well. Going to Bible study? Perhaps. But where did we mostly see Him when He was on earth? Spending time with His Father and serving others.

So if we are His physical body now - if I am part of His physical body now - where do I need to be spending my time? Where HE would. I am HIS body. I should be spending time with His/my Father, and serving the least of these.

Man, as I get closer and closer to Uganda, this scripture is becoming louder and louder in my spirit:

And the king will reply, "I tell you the truth. Whatever you did for one of the least of these, my brothers, you did for me." Matt 25:40

What do I do with that? Do I hand Jesus a $5 bill at the stop light? Do I give Him a sackful of my children's too-small and worn-out clothes? Do I send Him a "one-time gift" through some charitable organization and feel like I've done my part? Or do I give Him my all? My kids' best, cutest clothes? Or maybe the money I was saving for a new TV or a vacation for my family? Do I invite Him over for supper? Do I go out of my way to help or offer assistance when it doesn't fit into my schedule, or when my kids are tired and cranky and I'm tired and frustrated and I just don't want to? No. I don't. I don't.

And how can I be the body of Christ if I don't?

I'm not sure where this post is going. Maybe nowhere - just my random thoughts swirling around looking for some sense and order. Just some things I've been mulling over and pondering lately in regards to my own claims of Christianity. I'm starting to think that being the body of Christ looks far different than what I want it to. Than what I'm used to. Than what most (?) people are used to.

Beth says God never allows us to be sifted unless there is something in us that NEEDS sifting. I know there is MUCH in me that needs to be sifted. I'm hoping (dare I say praying?) some things will be sifted out of me in Uganda. (Oh Lord, please sift gently!) Tomorrow Soon, hopefully, I want to show you something that has blown a hole in my nice, neat little picture of the Ugandan adventure I'm about to go on. It is shaking me to the core -- sifting, perhaps? And I'm disturbed and grateful all at the same time.